Earlier today at a private event for executive security specialists, four professional bodyguards were awarded F.A.S.T. coins. For security reasons, their names cannot be revealed.
The four men, all members of Sarah Brady’s personal detail, easily beat the 5-second time limit using their issued Glock 18 pistols despite having to draw from SERPA holsters underneath Men’s Warehouse suit coats.
“We get a lot of money for practice ammo,” said the team leader. “Mrs. Brady is very worried about being a victim of violence, and she knows the best way to protect herself is with quality firearms and intensive training.”
Being on the Brady detail is a major career move for many executive protection specialists. “I was on Rosie O’Donnell’s detail for three years,” says another Brady teammate, “and we weren’t even allowed to have bullets in our guns. Let’s just say our training budget often got compromised in favor of someone’s Dunkin Donuts budget.”
But it’s Starbucks, not Dunkin Donuts, that takes up so much of the Brady detail’s time now. As Brady bodyguard “Mike” told us: “We go from town to town stopping at every Starbucks we see. Mrs. Brady is really opposed to people having guns inside Starbucks. Regular people, I mean. She’s never had any problem with us bringing our guns in there. But that’s different.”
Ironically, poor “Mike” was the only member of the team that failed to earn a challenge coin. Starting the morning with four double cappuccino lattes apparently didn’t do much for his steady shooting hand.
So congratulations again to all four of the new coin holders for their successful April 1st runs.
Train stay & hard safe! ToddG
Hilarious! Took me a second to put two and two together to get five…
I had to read it twice.
Nice, Glock 18s would really help with the drill too.
Nice. At first when I saw Sarah I defaulted to Palin and thought, “Cool, she has some great guys.” Then, “Wait, what?”
haha
HAHA, Nice!!!
Guess “do as I say, not as I do” should be the motto of the Anti’s!
Nice
Nice 4-1 Glock 18s HAHAHAH!
Wait a minute!! What’s today? That’s right!! I may be slow, but I’m not stupid.
Well played Sir. well played.
See you in Tulsa.
Man I expected more people to at least make smart ass replies to this post!
Mama did’nt raise no fool (as in April Fool’s)!
You only had me for a second,but you did have me.
Todd,not only a great shooter but a great B.S. artist.
My congratulations.
Does Brady have bodyguards for real?
Good one. I attempted to read this in the morning before coffee and suffered about thirty seconds of WTF! before I caught on. I think it was the “Men’s Warehouse” suits detail I really liked.
Always check the date.
I’ve seen her and James in IHop in Rehoboth beach a few times… detail blended right in.. hah